I Want It To End. Pleases Read?

Hey guys been a while hasn't it c:
Well...I feel like I gotta get stuff of my chest since I've bee so depressed lately.
I honestly hate who I am, I put on a fake smile so often, it has become my "real" expression. I hate everything about myself. My hair, my acne, my attitude, my emotions, my body, my thoughts, my actions, myself.
I promised I'd stop picking up the blade, (cutting myself) but I can't help it it's so tempting. It helps me ease so much fucking pain. I keep it on me just in case I want to use it.
In all. I'm really tempted to...just end it(suicide)but like I said I made promises I do intend to keep.
I'll just start by saying what bothers me, and hopefully some one who does read helps me out.

~ I feel really unloved, but I know it's all in my fucking head

~ I really want to get therapy, but have no clue how to ask my parents

~ sometimes I stop and stare at my scars, I'm reminded of what I want to forget, but either way(with or without scars) I'm going remember

~ when I shut my eyes I start to think, I realize, I want someone to call mine, I want to date...again. But I'm so fucking scared, cause of my last relationship, I don't really trust anyone.

~ I want to pick up the blade sooo badly!

~ I hate myself.

well that's pretty much it. I hate myself. Nothing new. Bye Guise.
                           - xXSamantah_SavageXx